I miss my past a lot, so much that it hurts me. I was really happy and care less back then. It's not that I don't like my life now but sometimes I would just lie on the floor thinking about things I had, things I did and things I enjoyed then. But what depresses me more is the lost friendships I have. I miss my old friends so bad but I don't think there's anything I can do to have them back & because I guess they just don't care about it anymore.
Don't missunderstand this situation of mine. I'm absolutely happy & thankful with myself and my life, honest. I'm happy with what I have, what I'm doing and people I'm with but I just don't like how the world works. The fact that time changes me is also giving me a hard time to accept this feeling. Encountering people I had some good times with is totally just an ordinary encounter now. We barely talk to each other or even exchange smiles. We used to keep each other's secrets but I don't think we even remember those secrets these days.
I just don't know how to move on & let go those memories behind, like what others told me to do. I don't even know how to start the very 1st step in moving on. I hope I can let go these memories easily but in the other hand, I think it would be waste of time to even try, because it will never work.
“If letting go, if letting people and things work themselves out in the way that they needed to without your help was the most important thing, then it was also the hardest.”
― Deb Caletti, The Six Rules of Maybe
“Renew, release, let go. Yesterday’s gone. There’s nothing you can do to bring it back. You can’t “should’ve” done something. You can only DO something. Renew yourself. Release that attachment. Today is a new day!”
― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free
I need to start over.