Saturday, April 20, 2013


You called me but I deleted your number so I picked the call without hesitation, because I didn't know it was you. It was you, your voice saying 'hey' and I could hear you breathing, you were too loud, and maybe nervous. So did I. Why? Why would you call me after what we have promised; not to care about each other anymore. I really wanted to hang up the phone, in order not to break the promise between you and I but something stopped me from doing that. 

You kept silent, and I remained quiet. Then, you asked me out, maybe having a walk and talk along the beach where we used to spend our time together, while watching the sunset and the tides. I thought it was probably not a good idea but I said yes, just because I missed you a lot and I didn't want us to be strangers anymore.

As we exchanged stories while enjoying the nice breeze, you laughed a lot, mostly at my stories. You bought me a white cotton candy then you were just watching me having it by myself. I was so happy. You were smiling all the time, I could see both of your dimples obviously. That was the smile which is a curve that sets everything straight just like before- the smile that made me a loser to you. 

I never paid the smile back. My feelings were jumbled. I felt mad but happy at the same time. But the anger towards you got the best of me. You said that you missed me and you wanted me in your life back, just like before. I stood up and punched you in the face without knowing. I was too angry I guess. 

I cursed at you and I stuffed the cotton candy you bought me in your mouth. I went away quickly. I couldn't take it as I was still struggling to get over you, and I told myself not to love you anymore. But you were asking me to be with you again? I might have killed you for asking me that but I went less-extreme. 

After a few minutes repressing, I went back to you. I saw you lying down at the seaside and you turned your head to see me coming. You suddenly rose when I couldn't even get closer to you. You ran and threw your body in the sea, out of the blue, as fast as lightning. 

I screamed your name and was asking for help but it seemed that no one could hear me. I looked around, and there was no one around, so did the Chinese uncle you bought the cotton candy from. I was all alone, and I couldn't see your body through the water. I cried. I cried my heart out. I shouted that I would like to be with you again and I begged like crazy, hoping you to come out. Nothing. You weren't coming out no matter how loud I yelled and what I shouted.

I thought you died and I was clueless of what to do next so I ran away, trying to get away from there while crying. However, there was a big red car suddenly crashed into me.

But I was okay. I was on my bed, where I have spent most of my time on. I was sweating a lot and it was 2 in the morning. I knew it was just a dream. 

However, I was glad we got to dream hang, eventhough the ending was terrible. Nonetheless, the ending was actually very much like what we're going through; you've been hiding from me and I keep running away from you.

Pretending not to care about you anymore is killing me. I have to stop doing this and so do you. I'm waiting and hoping and wishing for the time, when we could be happy together again.

I miss you, old friend. :)