Wednesday, August 14, 2013

#17




So, there was a girl, very weird and always had this kind of mysterious air surrounded her. She never cared albeit people always looked at her in a different way, not in a way she wanted them to see her. As to make friends with others, wasn't a piece of cake for her. But eventually she managed to find some. Maybe.

Until at some point, she started to be tired of being called names, and being among the many names. She thought she was strong, she would always be okay, but she was wrong. She then thought of being someone else, wanting to be the person she can't be, to be normal; at least to others' eyes. She hated herself, no one understood her. But she had no one to put the blame on, besides her own self. 

She wasn't happy. She has always wanted to be herself. And be loved by others for her real self in return. But she didn't want to pretend nor she ever wanted to do it in a first place. She was just scared, afraid that people would hate her, would think falsely about her.

So she started to build up some tall walls around her. She didn't want to mind others' business, so she hoped others would do towards her, she only wanted them to leave her alone. She was hurt and she couldn't bear it. She got no one and nothing for her to make her a safety blanket. She was helpless. 

But one day, a boy came passing her wall. There wasn't a second guess that there were sparks between them, at least this is what the girl believed. She finally made up her mind. She wanted to get to know the boy better, but yes, she was still so intimidated- by herself, the boy, and her environs. However, the same case happened to the boy. She could see it in his eyes. They both are dying to exchange greetings, but they held it against them. 

The days passed by as their feelings for each other grew. They finally learnt to smile, an impromptu smile. They now could smile, without being told to. Maybe just a glance of each other brightened up their day. They felt something for each other. They were drawn to each other, just like magnets. They both could hear their heart beat so fast while they both in each others' presence. It was sort of undeclared concession, it just happened. It was magical. t

The girl then let her guard down for him. The walls she built wasn't longer existed. And the boy did the same, for her. They started to know more about each other. At the moment, she could see herself in himself, and so the boy. They are physically and mentally different but somehow, they could relate to each other. Again, it was magical. 

To call it love, she never thought of it; not in the slightest. But who knows what was the boy thought? But they finally made it a declared agreement. They called it love, or whatever people call it the reason why one's having too much dopamine and adrenaline rushing inside of his body. They could talk about everything, even the silly ones, the ridiculous ones without being judged. They needed no walls anymore, they finally could be in their own skins. They certainly cared about no one's judgements.

The girl was me whilst the boy was you. 

And you left me. You were everything I loved but you went away. You were the reason I let my guard and walls down , and you're also the one who made me building them up once again. But I can't anymore, it's very hard for me, I forgot how. I only know you, I only remember you. 

After what we've been through, I realise that I still don't know what love is. What I know now is that it is only going farther away from me. I hide from the world, I don't know who I am the moment you left. I scream your name eventhough you didn't answer. I'm getting more sick and it looks like I'm the only one who's hurting. I threw your poems, letters and photos but although they're gone, they won't get erased in my mind.